For better or worse we're the only ones from our class to make it here.
[ And that meant, for a lot of things, they were the only one who understood their specific traumas and fears. It's just like the gem issue all over again ]
Finally caught up with you, huh?
[ It's not unkind, how he says it. In fact his tone is quite gentle. He's been expecting something like this because while he does know where Kokichi's coming from, he also knows Kokichi was subjected to it longer. ]
I get it. As much as you want to it's hard to trust anyone after... all that.
[ He shifts, putting an arm around Kokichi- a hopefully comforting gesture in spite of the circumstances ]
[Kokichi is silent as he leans into Rantaro's embrace.]
...There's nothing left for us at home.
I looked past a door, near the end of the game. The door wasn't quite open, but I pick locks. It's what I do, I was a thief kid, I know thieving and I pick locks and I got it open and outside... [He swallows.] Outside there was fucking nothing.
Even if Maki hadn't killed me, there'd be nothing to go back to! We're stuck here! No matter what happens...I can't just run away to somewhere else, if we manage to get out of here, I can't just fucking...run off to another world and let you handle things on your own like a selfish prick, going 'he'll be fine, he has his idol friends,' because I'm so goddamn convinced that the grass is greener if I run away from everything I did wrong...!!
[He can't help it at this point. He starts crying a bit.]
There are things I don't remember and I feel bad about. I don't remember what happened with Miu and Gonta, and they were my best friends. I don't remember how I got into that stupid school and I'm so determined to lie to myself because if I fill the space, then it's not empty--!!
Everyone is dead and even this place is falling apart and I don't know what to do.
I'm scared. I'm always scared, but now I'm really scared.
[ He listens quietly. Empty comforting words won't do much to ease this kind of fear, and it's not like he isn't afraid of what this could mean for them. He's not sure the topic of the others being dead has even been asked- the others mostly act like there are places they can go back to.
He quietly wipes Kokichi's tears, sighing as he does so. ]
I've always known there was no returning home for us. It was pretty clear when we got here what happened to us.
Knowing that freedom wasn't really possible is... well, knowing Monokuma I'm not surprised by it. Nothing I was told really adds up, though. How could I have been in a previous killing game with the ultimate hunt also being true?
[ He shakes his head lightly. This isn't about his confusing everything. Right now Kokichi was the important one. ]
My memories were never reliable, but because of that I can... guess how lost you must feel. I can't promise you'll get those memories back. You may not even want them back knowing how that place was.
Whatever happens when this is over, we can go together. It's not selfish to want to consider a life after this... Aoi is more or less stuck as well... and with what's coming up about Raven... all four of us are in the same boat. Right now all we can really do is look out for each other and take it a step at a time.
[Kokichi stays still, letting Rantaro wipe his tears. He sniffles some more, but he looks at him with a bit of confusion. He's right. How was the previous killing game possible with the Ultimate Hunt...? But right now, that's not important.
Right now is...]
...I don't know. I'm worried about them. There's something not right about it. Miu and Gonta wouldn't just...hurt each other. Not without reason. There had to have been a reason. [That's not something he's willing to confront, the dark undertones of I could be that reason. Not yet.]
...
You realize that's a big promise, right? Staying together with me? [He mutters, somewhat taken by a bit of desperation.] ...You might regret that, you know. Don't say things if it's just...'cause you feel bad, or anything.
I want to stay with you, and Aoi, and Raven. But I'm....I'm a lot.
I'm usually not worth that. Shuichi told me, once.
It's not as big of one as you might think, it's natural that we'd look out for each other. Sure I died pretty early on, but we've been here for a good few months, and I don't think you're too much. Aoi and Raven seem to like you just fine as well.
[ He does sort of tilt his head at that, lifting a hand to run his fingers through Kokichi's rat's nest of hair, gently teasing out the tangles as he goes. ]
Shuichi wouldn't mouth off like that without a reason... and I doubt he really meant it. Regardless, what he thinks doesn't have a bearing on my opinion.
[ He died before Shuichi stepped into a prominent role after all. He still viewed everyone fairly equally, himself excluded. ]
Everyone had their reasons for what happened in there. I don't blame any of them. Monokuma could have played any number of dirty tricks to bring one of them to violence. Thinking about it will only make you more upset.
[ He pauses in his combing to brush Kokichi's bangs out of his face ]
After all, I've noticed you tend to think things into the ground. You've probably come up with many horrible scenarios.
[Kokichi lets Rantaro run his fingers through his hair, relaxing quietly. He's not usually...calm. He's not comfortable with people being this close to him normally. So it's a new sensation. A bit odd. He doesn't mind it.]
...I guess that's true.
[He nods quietly.]
Yeah. I can't help it. If I start thinking, I keep going, and I just can't stop. It's--it's a bad habit. I scare myself a lot.
[He opens his eyes slowly to find he's peering into Rantaro's own.]
...
Are you still doing this because I remind you of a younger sibling, or something...? Ehe....
[ He's mostly teasing as he says it, and shrugs afterwards ]
If you mean comforting you, its because you're my friend, and I care. Having 12 sisters just means I'm used to more brotherly approaches, for lack of a better word.
It's up to you if you want that kind of relationship with me, though. I can back off if it's too much.
[ Rantaro can be oblivious, but he's not that oblivious. He can understand what Kokichi is implying... but that doesn't mean he's really expecting it either. Kokichi never really seemed interested before. ]
Something like what?
[ Yeah if it's what he thinks it is, he's gonna make him say it. It's a little too... sudden for his taste, but he supposes he's flattered Kokichi sees him as an option now.
Rantaro just... doesn't have it in him not to be serious about a relationship. ]
What, you make grand promises about staying together forever and now you're gonna make me say it? Goddamn.
[He puffs his cheeks out.]
I spelled it out for you, dumdum. You know! I know! Mmn! If you're going to say 'no, wait, not like that', just say it! I know I'm not some hot idol boy!
[and now he's instinctively mentally guarding himself]
I guess I'm just surprised. You weren't interested before. At least not that I could tell.
[ He sort of shakes his head lightly when Kokichi brings up the idols ]
I'm not that shallow Kokichi, you know that. It isn't as though I was interested in any of them for their looks.
[ He shifts his hold slightly so he can look at Kokichi head on. ]
I would have stayed with you even in a completely platonic way. The promise is separate from this. I just... take relationships very seriously. It's why I don't really flirt with anyone.
[ Even saying that, he moves to cup Kokichi's cheek so the other boy will look at him, his thumb just barely brushing his lower lip ]
But if that doesn't scare you... I'm not opposed to the idea.
Uh, I told you multiple times! I think! You're one of the boys I really liked....with Shuichi and Kaito and Keeboy... [kokichi oma? boy-crazy? maybe a bit...]
Well, yeah. But they're also charming and caring and capable and better than me and...I know what I'm not and what other people are.
[him and his self-loathing]
...Yeah, but I would've been super upset. I go off with a guy somewhere, I'm going to get attached. Some hot guy steps in, I'll get super envious... I'm fine with one or two, though. But I want trust...
To be fair, it was hard to tell when you were serious or teasing. Calling me nii-chan gave the wrong impression, too.
[ People can joke all they want, but he's sincerely not into that.
He does like to dote though, he can see where the wires got crossed. ]
Their strengths are different from yours, but that doesn't mean you're lesser than them.
[ That's enough about that, though ]
Mm. I just told you I take these things seriously. I wouldn't joke about it, nor would I say it if I didn't think we had a chance. I do think we should get to know each other better in general though.
[ What feelings they have aren't really based on much given the three months or so they've known each other and this was very spur of the moment during a very emotionally vulnerable time. They both probably needed to take a step back and think rationally. Rantaro certainly was capable of returning his feelings but it might take a bit to feel secure in that.
They've both been hurt before. He doesn't want to hurt Kokichi more. ]
[ Even an attempt at trust is a big step for Kokichi, and he knows that. Rantaro accepts the kiss on the cheek and returns the gesture with a kiss on the forehead. ]
I didn't ever plan on leaving you, and I certainly won't now.
[ Kokichi was the one trying to fling himself into the void, Rantaro only ran into a blazing church to save a child. Which they both did, he can't be judged. ]
It is pretty late, though. Is there anything you wanted to say or ask me right now, or... would you rather lay down and get some sleep?
[ He's fine with bedsharing and small kisses. Besides, snuggling might help Kokichi sleep, it's not necessarily a romantic gesture. ]
[Kokichi pauses. The faintest hint of a smirk flickers onto his face.]
You know, if things were just like normal, I'd tease you for finding a prime opportunity to keep me close. But you're probably even more of a gentleman than Gonta. So that doesn't mean anything.
[Which is odd, because he's so used to being...no, wait, even then declarations were being made to protect him. When did he become some kind of princess?]
I'm fine with getting some rest. But I'm gonna cuddle you, okay?
[Not necessarily, but Kokichi's definitely not opposed to the thought.]
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no subject
[ And that meant, for a lot of things, they were the only one who understood their specific traumas and fears. It's just like the gem issue all over again ]
Finally caught up with you, huh?
[ It's not unkind, how he says it. In fact his tone is quite gentle. He's been expecting something like this because while he does know where Kokichi's coming from, he also knows Kokichi was subjected to it longer. ]
I get it. As much as you want to it's hard to trust anyone after... all that.
[ He shifts, putting an arm around Kokichi- a hopefully comforting gesture in spite of the circumstances ]
Do you want to talk? Get it off your chest?
no subject
...There's nothing left for us at home.
I looked past a door, near the end of the game. The door wasn't quite open, but I pick locks. It's what I do, I was a thief kid, I know thieving and I pick locks and I got it open and outside... [He swallows.] Outside there was fucking nothing.
Even if Maki hadn't killed me, there'd be nothing to go back to! We're stuck here! No matter what happens...I can't just run away to somewhere else, if we manage to get out of here, I can't just fucking...run off to another world and let you handle things on your own like a selfish prick, going 'he'll be fine, he has his idol friends,' because I'm so goddamn convinced that the grass is greener if I run away from everything I did wrong...!!
[He can't help it at this point. He starts crying a bit.]
There are things I don't remember and I feel bad about. I don't remember what happened with Miu and Gonta, and they were my best friends. I don't remember how I got into that stupid school and I'm so determined to lie to myself because if I fill the space, then it's not empty--!!
Everyone is dead and even this place is falling apart and I don't know what to do.
I'm scared. I'm always scared, but now I'm really scared.
no subject
He quietly wipes Kokichi's tears, sighing as he does so. ]
I've always known there was no returning home for us. It was pretty clear when we got here what happened to us.
Knowing that freedom wasn't really possible is... well, knowing Monokuma I'm not surprised by it. Nothing I was told really adds up, though. How could I have been in a previous killing game with the ultimate hunt also being true?
[ He shakes his head lightly. This isn't about his confusing everything. Right now Kokichi was the important one. ]
My memories were never reliable, but because of that I can... guess how lost you must feel. I can't promise you'll get those memories back. You may not even want them back knowing how that place was.
Whatever happens when this is over, we can go together. It's not selfish to want to consider a life after this... Aoi is more or less stuck as well... and with what's coming up about Raven... all four of us are in the same boat. Right now all we can really do is look out for each other and take it a step at a time.
[ kind of funny how that works out, isn't it? ]
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Right now is...]
...I don't know. I'm worried about them. There's something not right about it. Miu and Gonta wouldn't just...hurt each other. Not without reason. There had to have been a reason. [That's not something he's willing to confront, the dark undertones of I could be that reason. Not yet.]
...
You realize that's a big promise, right? Staying together with me? [He mutters, somewhat taken by a bit of desperation.] ...You might regret that, you know. Don't say things if it's just...'cause you feel bad, or anything.
I want to stay with you, and Aoi, and Raven. But I'm....I'm a lot.
I'm usually not worth that. Shuichi told me, once.
You're alone, Kokichi.
And you always will be.
no subject
[ He does sort of tilt his head at that, lifting a hand to run his fingers through Kokichi's rat's nest of hair, gently teasing out the tangles as he goes. ]
Shuichi wouldn't mouth off like that without a reason... and I doubt he really meant it. Regardless, what he thinks doesn't have a bearing on my opinion.
[ He died before Shuichi stepped into a prominent role after all. He still viewed everyone fairly equally, himself excluded. ]
Everyone had their reasons for what happened in there. I don't blame any of them. Monokuma could have played any number of dirty tricks to bring one of them to violence. Thinking about it will only make you more upset.
[ He pauses in his combing to brush Kokichi's bangs out of his face ]
After all, I've noticed you tend to think things into the ground. You've probably come up with many horrible scenarios.
no subject
...I guess that's true.
[He nods quietly.]
Yeah. I can't help it. If I start thinking, I keep going, and I just can't stop. It's--it's a bad habit. I scare myself a lot.
[He opens his eyes slowly to find he's peering into Rantaro's own.]
...
Are you still doing this because I remind you of a younger sibling, or something...? Ehe....
no subject
[ He's mostly teasing as he says it, and shrugs afterwards ]
If you mean comforting you, its because you're my friend, and I care. Having 12 sisters just means I'm used to more brotherly approaches, for lack of a better word.
It's up to you if you want that kind of relationship with me, though. I can back off if it's too much.
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[He sticks his tongue out.]
...
You have a loooooooot of siblings. Probably don't need anything else like that, counting Aoi and Raven...
[He nuzzles into him.]
How about something else?
no subject
Something like what?
[ Yeah if it's what he thinks it is, he's gonna make him say it. It's a little too... sudden for his taste, but he supposes he's flattered Kokichi sees him as an option now.
Rantaro just... doesn't have it in him not to be serious about a relationship. ]
no subject
......
What, you make grand promises about staying together forever and now you're gonna make me say it? Goddamn.
[He puffs his cheeks out.]
I spelled it out for you, dumdum. You know! I know! Mmn! If you're going to say 'no, wait, not like that', just say it! I know I'm not some hot idol boy!
[and now he's instinctively mentally guarding himself]
no subject
[ He sort of shakes his head lightly when Kokichi brings up the idols ]
I'm not that shallow Kokichi, you know that. It isn't as though I was interested in any of them for their looks.
[ He shifts his hold slightly so he can look at Kokichi head on. ]
I would have stayed with you even in a completely platonic way. The promise is separate from this. I just... take relationships very seriously. It's why I don't really flirt with anyone.
[ Even saying that, he moves to cup Kokichi's cheek so the other boy will look at him, his thumb just barely brushing his lower lip ]
But if that doesn't scare you... I'm not opposed to the idea.
no subject
Well, yeah. But they're also charming and caring and capable and better than me and...I know what I'm not and what other people are.
[him and his self-loathing]
...Yeah, but I would've been super upset. I go off with a guy somewhere, I'm going to get attached. Some hot guy steps in, I'll get super envious... I'm fine with one or two, though. But I want trust...
[but then.
huaaaaaha.]
....Y--You're sure? Huh? You're really sure?
no subject
[ People can joke all they want, but he's sincerely not into that.
He does like to dote though, he can see where the wires got crossed. ]
Their strengths are different from yours, but that doesn't mean you're lesser than them.
[ That's enough about that, though ]
Mm. I just told you I take these things seriously. I wouldn't joke about it, nor would I say it if I didn't think we had a chance. I do think we should get to know each other better in general though.
[ What feelings they have aren't really based on much given the three months or so they've known each other and this was very spur of the moment during a very emotionally vulnerable time. They both probably needed to take a step back and think rationally. Rantaro certainly was capable of returning his feelings but it might take a bit to feel secure in that.
They've both been hurt before. He doesn't want to hurt Kokichi more. ]
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[He closes his eyes. Kokichi lets out a little sigh.]
Then we can try. I...
[He presses a kiss to his cheek.]
...I'll try to trust you. You're the only one who I really can. Just don't leave me, 'kay? We'll take it slow...
[He says. He seems more vulnerable than normal, too. Despite it all, his walls are down.]
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I didn't ever plan on leaving you, and I certainly won't now.
[ Kokichi was the one trying to fling himself into the void, Rantaro only ran into a blazing church to save a child. Which they both did, he can't be judged. ]
It is pretty late, though. Is there anything you wanted to say or ask me right now, or... would you rather lay down and get some sleep?
[ He's fine with bedsharing and small kisses. Besides, snuggling might help Kokichi sleep, it's not necessarily a romantic gesture. ]
no subject
[Kokichi pauses. The faintest hint of a smirk flickers onto his face.]
You know, if things were just like normal, I'd tease you for finding a prime opportunity to keep me close. But you're probably even more of a gentleman than Gonta. So that doesn't mean anything.
[Which is odd, because he's so used to being...no, wait, even then declarations were being made to protect him. When did he become some kind of princess?]
I'm fine with getting some rest. But I'm gonna cuddle you, okay?
[Not necessarily, but Kokichi's definitely not opposed to the thought.]